And We're Off

These three ...

are taking an all girls weekend trip to...

to do a lot of kissing & holding with...

and do a little of this...

minus the dog


and a lot of this


oh, and most importantly to go to


Be back soon.

Treasure Hunt

How to get your visiting teaching done on Spring Break:

Feeling Lucky

I feel like we're coming into the light again. Life is getting back to normal.

Then came the good news from Monday's ct scan that Peter had done. No signs of any cancer. And the AFP is at an all time low: 3.3!

I know it's more than luck. It's more prayers answered. We're grateful parents to have more beautiful days to enjoy and love our children in the now.

Saturday is a special day...

I've been on a blogging hiatus. Unintentional of course. And no, I haven't converted to the dark side of face book, totally, that is. Looks fun but there's only so much time in a day and I'm just trying to get used to life without the constant worry of Peter's health.

These past few weeks have been hectic. It's hard getting back into the swing of things, real life. I've actually caught myself thinking that life was simpler when I had only Peter & cancer to deal with and not, book fair, stake young women's calling, field trips, play dates, L & G club, science fair project, musical festivals for two, violin practices, school concerts, preschool, new puppy, and spring fever. I could go on and on.

I'll spare you the details of these past few weeks. I think you get the jest of it. Instead, here's what we did on Saturday. It was a special day...

Don't you just despise long post?

Andrew & John off to t-ball practice. This is Andrew's first year at organized sports. After the first practice a few weeks ago, he said that he had fun and didn't need to do that for another year. It was a hot day and the children were finished learning the game. Most of them were playing in the dirt. Then the ice cream cart came around and the coach knew he had lost them so he treated them to an ice cream break. This is the only time I saw Andrew run. Now I know what motivates him. Ice cream. I'm sure he doesn't get that from me.
Peter & I were off to Relay for Life, down the street at the high school track. Sweet Isabella, one of the young women from the ward, invited me & Peter to walk the survivor lap at the cancer benefit.

It turned out to be an amazing experience for me. We were given purple t-shirts that said survivor on the back. They didn't have a t-shirt small enough for Peter. I think Peter was the only child cancer survivor there. There was a short ceremony with very inspiring words said. Then all the survivors were asked to start off the 24hour walk fundraiser by doing the first lap around the track. The circumference of the track was lined with people, much of which were high school students, that cheered us on. Applauding us for fighting and beating cancer. I held Peter's hand with his shirt draped over his shoulder. I'll always remember the scene of 30 people or so in purple shirts walking in front of me and seeing the backs of their shirts that read survivor. I wish I had a picture of that.

It was one of the only times I didn't feel ashamed that we had cancer. Instead, I felt proud that we survived it. The kindness of strangers! I also felt encouraged and inspired. I need to get involved. I'll be back there next year with a team. Maybe we'll call it Peter's Peeps. John's idea.

The picture of the black skirt??? I promised, {bribed} Addie with a new black skirt if she stuck out three long weeks of difficult violin lessons, weekly 4 hour practices, and daily practices. She was invited to be in the All county honors orchestra. Proud parent moment. {please excuse the round about bragging} She did it. And we never had a chance to go shopping for that black skirt, besides, we're trying to save our money for an all girls trip to SLC, for young women's conference in a couple of weeks.

I had a flash of genius {or a desperate moment} and found an old t-shirt type dress in my closet and sewed all afternoon and made Addie this cute little nothing black skirt. At this time in my life, I guess that I have more time than money. How refreshing to sew again. But I'm sure Addie would've preferred a store bought skirt but she seemed grateful. Sweet daughter.

Peter found the bottle of lotion, again.

Addie performed at the amazing University of Redlands Chapel in the All County Elementary Honor Orchestra. She played second violin. Four songs in all. Beautiful! What a great night. I feel so blessed to have children who enjoy playing music. I'm a lucky mother. Great job Addie.

And then there's Meagan...This is actually a picture from today, Sunday. Yesterday, she held down the fort for us and she kept the couch warm. She was suffering from spring fever. Overwhelmed with the sheer joy of no school for the next two weeks. She was in a state of temporary coma.

The biggest accomplishment achieved on Saturday was awarded to John for running eight miles and then planting part of the garden. He's the MAN!

Every day he gives me flowers

In October, John planted hundreds of daffodil bulbs. He is quite the farmer. He loves planting gardens of all sorts. Flower. Vegetable. Tree.

Now it's March and I get fresh flowers outside and in.

The other day I wondered where Andrew was and what he was up to. And this is a picture I'll remember forever.

















He picks me flowers every day. Thanks to my farmer John who plants them every season.

Bonus Buy Week

I had three hours to find coats for Meagan and Addie for their Utah trip. So we went to Gottchalks in San Berghetto on a tip from a friend to find them. When I passed the Clinique counter I had to stop for some products that I was totally out of. The first question I always ask is when is the Bonus Buy Week. That's when you can buy $30 in product and you get little samples of 6 or 7 other products for free. I love it. Anything for free is always a good thing.

Just my luck it wasn't starting until the next week. The Sales woman was itching for a commission and was really working on me to buy it now and come back for the bonus and more next week. There's only so much money and time you know.

So I tried to put here off by telling her that I couldn't remember which clarifying lotion # I needed. That lead us to the little slider questionnaire - quiz thing. She proceeded to quiz me on my skin. (oh, you have to know that this was during the 10 day stay with Peter in the hospital. I was on day 7 of that stay. And remember I was out of my clinique stuff, so my face had not been properly washed for a few days. Gross. I know. But life was not normal- but the CLinique lady doesn't know this.)

First question: "If you don't wear sunblock and you're in the sun does your face get sun burnt?"
answer: Yes... I mean. We live in So. California. It's sunny and hot here.
Then she followed up with, "But does it turn into a tan?"
Okay that's a yes, (after the peeling and if you count the patch of new freckles a tan).

Second question: "Do you have break outs?"
answer: No. (unless you count this little trip to the mall a break out)
follow up: "How about once a month?" (why doesn't she believe me?)
answer: oh, okay...

Third question: "Where on your face are you worried about lines?"
answer: I looked at her and thought to myself, "I'm not worried about any lines." Then she must have read my mind because then she handed me a mirror. Oh, the nerve of this woman. So I looked in the mirror and said, "Ah, I guess around my eyes???" (Like I was asking her if that's where she was worried about my lines.)
follow up: "Then she said out loud, "several areas" and moved the slider to that little slot."

I was not having fun with this game, but it looked like she was.

Then the next question: "Do you have oily skin?"
answer: Not anymore.
follow up: "Like, around your nose and forehead."
answer: "Okay!" (Notice the exclamation mark!!!)

Then she tallied up my answers and told me that I failed and nothing would help me. I was beyond help. No. Just kidding.

This was her next comment. I loved it. "Your face would benefit from many of our products."

I think because Meagan was standing next to me that I held it together and politely said that we ran out of time and would just purchase the products at the Redlands store instead.

I was looking so forward to doing just that until one morning last week I had a break out. A huge, enormous, 16 year old adolescent pimple for everyone to see right under my nose. It's so big, even the puppy barks at me. I don't dare show my face around a clinique counter now.

So long bonus buy week.

Welcome New Members to the Hallen Fold

There are two new members of the Hallen Family we'd like to show off.

This is sweet little Harry, as grandma calls him. His official name is Harrison Hallen James. He belongs to Laura and Rob, John's youngest sister. The Family migrated up to Utah over President's weekend for the baby blessing. Meagan & Addie drove up with Grandma & Grandpa to chaperon and keep things lively. Gary's family followed keeping grandpa on a timely schedule. Kristen's family came from Washington and John, Andrew, Peter & I stayed home recovering from the ten day and final stay in the hospital. Oh, we missed out on a lot of family fun: snowball fights, swimming in the hotel, Temple Square, Church Museum, movie, blessing, family luncheon and more.

What a sweetie. I hope to see him soon and hold him and get some real baby time with a newborn. Some say he looks a little like Andrew at this young age. I see a whole lot of Rob in him. I think that I'm going to call him sweet checks. And look how great Thys is at holding his new little cousin.

Here's the second newest member

A whole different kind of cuteness.

This is Boog Hallen. He belongs to Peter, Andrew, & the girls. While the girls were up in Utah we went out dog shopping to fill their void. No, we told the children that after Peter's cancer was over we would get a puppy. We researched and studied and we all decided on either a St. Bernard or Bernice Mountain dog. Then we found Boog. He's named after the bear on the movie Open Season. Peter loves that movie. It got us through these past eight months.

He's four months old. He has really big paws and he's good natured, so far. He's starting to eat a lot. And that only means one thing. Lots of poo. So it's a good thing we have three children who were just trained today on how to pick up that.

I was hoping for a little break and a slow transition into life again. I was wrong. No resting. This is life. But we have four happy children and I get to cross off #13 from my some day soon list. That's a plus!

Happy Ending

Peter's eight month battle has come to an end. A happy one. He's in the clear. No more chemo, no more central line, and no more cancer. What a blessing. What a miracle.

He's going to be followed very closely for the next four years, which is very reassuring. So we are on our way to living life again. We will not let the fear of the slight possibility of the cancer returning hang over us or over come our thoughts. We realize better now how precious life is and we're determined to enjoy each day more than before. It's a little sad to me that it takes having a child suffer through cancer to really understand that. I'm sure there are many people that already get this but I wasn't one of them. I am now.

We will always remember the love, support, and daily help that Grandma and Grandpa Hallen have given us these past eight months. We've been trying to think of a way or a gift to give them to say thank you for all they've sacrificed for us but there's nothing that we could give that would ever be enough. Their kindness and unselfish service has been a great example of our Savior's love. We thank Heavenly Father every day for them. I hope they will be able to get back to living their life and doing the things that they have looked forward to doing before this came up. One of the greatest blessing in all of this is that some very fortunate grandchildren have learned the importance of family. And we belong to a great one.

There have been many others: family, friends, ward family, doctors & nurses, and even strangers that have reached out to us during this difficult time. It has been very touching to be on the receiving end of so much love and thoughtfulness. So many have prayed for Peter and those prayers have been answered. It has been amazing to feel the power of those prayers. It's what has gotten us through this. So thank you, thank you, thank you. A million times, thank you.

Our knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father has been deepened. His love has cushioned the hard and trying times. I don't know how we would've made it with out feeling his love. It has made all the difference. Prayer really is the answer, especially when you've tried everything else. He can't always take away the pain or suffering but he's able to ease it.

I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and my children have learned through this. Our family is stronger for it. Our faith is strengthen because of it.

One Day Soon

I'm home again for a little R & R. We've been in the hopsital since Friday night. Peter's actually doing very well. I'm sorry to any parent who has a child that has ever had to be on I.V. antibiotics. It's a long 7 to 10 day stay in the hospital. Which leads me to a new list. You know how I love lists?

I've been saying, "one day soon..." a lot lately. So at 1 am when I couldn't go back to sleep I started to make a mental note of my list.

One day soon:

1. ...I'm going to be able to throw away all of Peter's onesies. (I have to keep him in onesies to keep his curious fingers from playing with his central line, aka: his babies.)
2. we'll be able to have friends over for play dates.
3. we'll be able to take Peter to the Park.
4. we won't have to say "chemo" anymore.
5. Peter will be able to take a normal bath with lots of water.
6. no more weekend antibiotics.
7. no more daily, no hourly, worry of a central line.
8. Peter won't be scratching the rash on his chest caused by the dressing over his central line.
9. I won't have to type the word central line and wonder if people know what I'm talking about.
10. John & I will be able to go to the temple together again and not worry that we can't be reached if something goes wrong with Peter.
11. we will have friends over for dinner again and the missionaries too.
12. get rid of the tadpoles. They still haven't grown any legs. Something is definitely wrong.
13. we will get a puppy.
14. I won't have to pack all of Peter's favorite toys and movies in duffel bags for hospital stays.
15. cancer will be a memory.
16. I will catch up on all my thank you notes to doctors, nurses, friends, family, strangers, Pres. Bush, & our ward family.
17. I will help out other families who are new to childhood cancer. {Get ready friends. I'm going to need your help.}
18. John and I are going to have our bed back to ourselves. Sorry Peter, the time is coming for you to move on to your bed. We'll see how that goes...
19. I'll be back to doing the car pool. Thanks Grandpa, Grandma, & Amy!!!
20. start up the card exchange again.
21. I'll be able to trade babysitting with friends again.
22. I'll be able to take Peter to church with us and reacquaint him to the nursery.

Don't get me wrong. Saying, "one day soon..." is not the same or even close to saying, "I'll be happy when..." I'm already happy. I'm just looking forward to my one day soon.

I hope to share some really good news tomorrow or one day soon. I don't want to jinks it so you'll have to check back one day soon.

There's a silver lining

How beautiful is this? Well, the camera wasn't able to capture the true beauty of this sunrise. {Notice how I blame the camera. Couldn't be the one working the camera that's the problem.} But it was an exceptional sunrise the other morning so I had to take it's picture.

Just a quick update on Peter. He has just one last round of chemo to go. Last week because of his low white count it was postponed. All I want is to get this over with. So when Wednesday rolled around again and his lab work came back good we were looking forward to this all coming to an end very soon.

Then there was a change in events. We checked in Wednesday night so he could be hydrated for the chemo to start in the morning on Thursday. Then two hours later at midnight, during normal vitals check, the nurse was alarmed when the thermometer read 102 degrees. He has a temperature!The lights went on. The crew came in. It's a serious thing to have a temperature on the oncology ward I found out. The blood work was sent to the lab and antibiotics were given. The waiting game is not a fun game to play, especially with a two year old in a hospital room.

By Friday, Peter was back to normal. The first of the blood cultures came back negative. And the doctor sent us home in the evening.

Then two hours later. The doctor called and told us that we had to bring him back immediately. "His blood is infected" {I snuck in a shower first} But he looked totally fine.

Peter has been very fortunate not to have an infection this whole time through chemo. It's common with chemo patients having Central lines.

I keep thinking how blessed we were that Peter was in the hospital when he got the temp and they were able to start antibiotics right away. What a blessing. This kind of infection can be very serious. Heavenly Father is trying to make this as easy as possible for us. I know that and I am grateful.

And I'm learning that life doesn't go according to my schedule. What's my hurry anyway???

So John's with Peter and I'm home for the afternoon. Oh, to lay in my bed. What a wonderful thing. I didn't, couldn't sleep. But that's okay. I just rested under my feather down comforter. Warm. Listening to the rain and resting. It felt good. Trying not to feel guilty that Peter's at the hospital. The good thing, he's having fun with dad. I'm sure he's getting some daddy juice and watching movies.

We're hoping to be home tomorrow night. I get to be nurse mommy for the week. Yet another skill I get to learn. How to administer antibiotics in his Central line.

I should have been a nurse.

Last time

I just have to show off Peter's beautiful head of new hair. It came in a lot lighter and to our surprise, thick. Sometimes after chemo the hair goes back in thin at first.

And the other surprise it didn't fall out this time. Tender mercies...

We're off to the hospital tonight to start the last round of chemo. Not looking forward to the next two days, but I know he'll get through it, thanks to lots of prayers.

Thankful for prayers.

The light at the end of the tunnel is in view.

Weekly Inspiration

This picture of Peter was my "weekly inspiration."

I had a cold this past weekend and felt terrible. I stayed in bed on Sunday to get extra rest. I'm still trying to get over it.

What a pleasant surprise to happen upon this photo today, of "Peter the Great" helping his dad build the play set. Addie took it on Saturday.

Please, nobody tell him that he isn't feeling well.

Where does he find the energy? I think it comes down to one thing. Desire. He wants to be out there with Dad and Andrew. He doesn't let the lack of energy or illness keep him down.

I've heard Dr. Laura talk about not giving into the "but, I don't feel like it" mentality.

So Peter wanted to go on a walk this morning and I "didn't feel like it." A little bell sounded in my head and...I put down the dish towel and we went on a walk. This time no stroller. Peter's hand in mine and Andrew on his scooter. We ran down the block chasing Andrew, Peter laughing the whole way. Me, smiling, grateful to have two happy boys. We stopped for rocks, bugs, and foxtails.

Even boys like picnics

I heard on the news this morning that seven states were under "a state of emergency" due to severe winter storms. So on their behalf the boys and I had a lunch picnic. How could we not? I would've felt guilty if we had chosen to stay indoors on a nice warm sunny winter day.
We ate simply. Peanut butter sandwiches, wheat thins with cream cheese, and Doritos. The conversation was even more simple. And funny. Andrew always comes up with good "what ifs?" He gets excited for the slightest of wind, always wanting to fly a kite.

Boys are so different. Could life really be this simple?

When the cup of water and ice tipped over I put a small piece of ice down Andrew's shirt and he loved it. Laughing and screaming. I won't mention any names, but I know a daughter that would not have thought that was so fun. {and a mommy; yes me}

Beautiful day.

Note to self: Remember to take time for more picnics.

Truly Inspirational Tuesday

I'm trying something new. I've always felt sorry for Tuesday. It's kind of over looked because Monday is so huge, even though it's dreaded. Wednesday is hump day. We all look forward to it. It means we're half way through the week. And Thursday is always a breeze. Then there's Friday. I love Friday. When I pick up the children from school they're excited and always in a good mood. We order pizza. Watch a movie. Play a game. Fun Friday! Then Saturday...garage sale shopping. You know how I love that. Finally, Sunday. Lovely Sabbath day says it all.

But what about Tuesday?

So out of pity I'm starting something new with my blog. Truly Inspirational Tuesday. Today I'm posting an amazing email that I received from a few friends yesterday. Wait...Someone is trying to tell me something???

Well I got the message loud and clear. And I hope you do too.

Invisible Mother......
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're going to love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.


And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Hero of the day

What a day!

I was feeling enormously proud of my efforts towards
my motherly duties.
picture of boys taken a year ago

Any mother that wakes up early to bake homemade rolls for a preschool aged son's Snow & Mitten party would be pleased with herself. Especially, after being awake with the other son from midnight until 4am for the past two nights. The chemo has thrown his sleeping routine off a bit. It's okay. At least he's happy when he's up during the night. We've taught him how to run the dvd/vcr and tv. Actually, we didn't teach him. He just picked it up. WOw. That kid is a smart one or it may be a sign of too much movie watching. My father-n-law would say he is mechanical.

Also, the dishwasher unloaded and loaded, and kitchen cleaned up all before the morning mass Exodus to school. A double bonus for the good mommy of the morning award for not raising my voice one time.

Grandpa Doug came over to be with Peter so I could work my day at Andrew's preschool. We picked up his fellow class mate and great friend. We talk about trucks, Dooleys (trucks with two rear tires each side), real boy things all the way to school.

We return home after the crazy, fun time at preschool, exhausted, not Andrew though. Lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me and the return of my low back pain is starting up again thank you to the little school chairs and bending over to help the children with their snowman art project. It's okay though, I have a muscle relaxer that I can take when John gets home, in case it knocks me out.

But first, I had to take Peter on the animal tour of Redlands and Mentone. He was begging to get out to see the pig and the moo, and the alpacas. Pictures of these local residents to come in the future. You must know, the pig is huge. Peter thought it was a horse. Seriously big. This has became an almost daily ritual for Peter these past six months. He loves animals. When he's not feeling well and has cabin fever we go on the tour. Highlight of the day for him.

Then the next highlight of the day. John gets home early from work. He and Andrew head outside to work on the play set {this has been a year long project} I'll spare you the details of the rise and fall and then rise again of the play set. After 15minutes John struts in to tell me the conversation he's been having with Andrew.

Andrew talks non stop. He has a lot to say. And he has a lot of questions to ask. A LOT. In between the hammering. Andrew tells John, "I love building. You're the best dad." My heart really melted and I was happy for that, but..... He didn't even go to work today. He was golfing with work buddies. He's not home 15 minutes and he gets the praises of Andrew. Not easy to get.

The last time I got "mom, you're awesome." was a year ago when I made cookies with m&m's in them. And believe me I've been awesome a few times this past year.

John's turn tonight for the midnight to 4am duty.

What to do today...

I'm back to making a list of the things I need to do each day.

This list should say Tuesday, though, or else I'm really behind. It feels like a Monday...

My rules for making to do list:

1. 
   
   You don't need to write down the essentials; like: brush teeth, read scriptures... {Here's a little something that will embarrass my dad. When I was little my dad had his daily to do list posted at his desk and it read: read newspaper, ..., go hockey} never mind embarrassing my dad, I'm embarrassed.}
2. 
   
   You have to throw in a couple of easy tasks so you have something to cross off for the day if you get side tracked.

Side tracked already.

Okay, now I really am behind. I'm watching the inauguration. Not on my to do list. Love Aretha's hat. Could I get away with wearing that hat? I didn't think so. I wasn't going to watch this because I didn't vote for Barack H. Obama but I couldn't stand not participating in history. How could I admit to my posterity one day, that I was working on my list of things to do for the day instead of watching the "greatest day...blah,blah,blah...."It is exciting however, that we have the first African American for president. It could've been the first woman as president, or the first Mormon as president. So sorry Brother Romney.

We were represented though.

Thanks Brother Bennett from Utah, for introducing the Chief Justice.

Picture of Andrew being really annoyed that his PBS morning cartoons were interrupted with this boring special report of the inauguration.

Let freedom ring. I can never resist taking a picture of Old Glory.

Was it just me or did it seem that Barrack had a hard time

repeating the oath of office after Chief Justice John Roberts?

Hopefully, just nerves.

Revised: I found out the next morning from the smarties on GMA that it was actually the Chief Justice, John Roberts, that made the mistake and that Prs. Obama was correcting him. I need to study up on my US Government facts. So my mistake. It wasn't his nerves. It was John Roberts.

Now back to my to do list.

Seeing the picture

If I hadn't taken the picture I wouldn't have noticed...

I thought that I was just taking a picture of my roses. I was so proud of these yellow, tinted with some pink, fragrant roses. So when I brought them in and arranged them for our center piece I had to take their picture.

Later, when I uploaded my daily photos, I noticed it in the background. Love. Isn't that what roses symbolize any way???

Note to self:

Take more pictures with or without a camera.

Notice what's going on in the background.

Can you water your garden?

Children are back to school this week. Back to our normal morning routines. John kisses me good-bye and then reminds me of a couple of things that need to be done; Mail the letters, return the movies, water our garden.

Okay. I say to myself that I can remember to do all those things.

Wait.

Water the garden???

Oh, what a loving husband. He plants me a garden in the winter. I was pleasantly surprised to see broccoli and onions growing quite nicely.

Sweet husband, doing the little things to keep a wife happy. We'll have our friends and family over soon for fresh steamed broccoli, and onions?

Did you feel it?

Yes!

It happens when you least suspect it. You might be cleaning, or just relaxing, or yes, you may even be on the toilet {2002}. No alarms go off. Out of no where without a warning the earth jolts, shakes, sometimes we hear only a loud groan, or a shutter, sometimes just the house creeks.

Last night at 7:49, {if you click on the highlighted words in red it will show you recent earthquakes. Then click on the big blue square and get the details of the earthquake.} I was giving Peter a little lesson on cleaning up a mess he made in the pantry with paper plates. Then it happened. An earthquake. This time it was a large jerk and then another. Then it turned into a gentle roll. Addie noticed the ceiling fan swaying. Andrew, who was sitting right next to Addie, didn't even notice. I think he was jumping off the couch at the same time.

So Duane, you missed it by a week. Maybe on your next visit you'll experience the rattling of your nerves knowing the earth just shifted.

Food storage. It's a good thing...

Looking ahead

We've been enjoying having Peter more like himself. Happy. The holidays were wonderful. Christmas was amazing. We were receivers this year of many thoughtful generous family,friends, and strangers. Thank you to all the angels that helped make it a memorable one. We felt so loved and thought of, which does something to our souls that is hard to explain. The kindness and compassion of these angels some how helps us feel the love our Heavenly Father has for us. Knowing and feeling this love gives us comfort, encouragement, and peace. All the things needed to help us deal with the challenges facing us.

When the doctor called last Monday to inform us about the recommendation of the expert on hepatoblastoma I was not surprise to hear what it was. More chemotherapy. Just to be sure. We want to be sure that we've done everything to get rid of this cancer, so we're willing to do the recommended two more rounds. Six more weeks. Peter will loose his hair again and for a couple of months he'll loose his laugh, his energy, and feeling good. The dread sit in. It's not fun to feel dreadful. Not a good way to start the new year. So I distracted myself with being with family and more celebrating of the New Year.

The last thing we did before we left for the hospital on New Year's day night was having the missionaries over for dinner. We made them breakfast. We enjoyed having them over and getting to know them. We've missed having the missionaries since August. What a wonderful spirit they brought into our home. After dinner they gave us a lesson on hope. Not a coincidence. Yet another example of the love Heavenly Father has for us, knowing I needed something extra. I think hope is the direct opposite of dread.

Off to the hospital hopeful; where we are blessed with kind hearted, skilled nurses and doctors.

Peter didn't fight this time. Maybe that's why the chemo hit him so hard. For 48 hours he was very sick. Then the magical hour came and it was out of his body and a new day. And I know I've described how it is driving home with him from the hospital before. Pure enjoyment. We left at noon. The sun was bright. The sky was blue {yes, even in polluted California} And a big smile on Peter's face. If I could read his thoughts I think he was thinking and noticing the beauty of this world and being alive to enjoy it. He probably thought he was never going to get out of that hospital room, or just grateful to finally be out again. That's what is so amazing about children. They bounce back quickly. And I am in awe of him. I'm just trying to keep up with him and this experience and all the insights that I'm learning because of cancer.

The main insight is that we all have a loving Heavenly Father that cares about us and what we're going through. He wants us to be happy and have joy. He sends others, family, friends, strangers, to help us feel that sometimes when were struggling. I'm looking forward to playing that role better in the future.