An Early Mother's Day Gift

Another monthly check up with good results. Peter is doing great, growing healthy and strong. His AFP was only 4.2. It needs to stay below 8.1 ish. Still cancer free. Of course he is - I keep telling myself. And what a happy Mother's Day gift I've already received.

Feeling Lucky

I feel like we're coming into the light again. Life is getting back to normal.

Then came the good news from Monday's ct scan that Peter had done. No signs of any cancer. And the AFP is at an all time low: 3.3!

I know it's more than luck. It's more prayers answered. We're grateful parents to have more beautiful days to enjoy and love our children in the now.

Happy Ending

Peter's eight month battle has come to an end. A happy one. He's in the clear. No more chemo, no more central line, and no more cancer. What a blessing. What a miracle.

He's going to be followed very closely for the next four years, which is very reassuring. So we are on our way to living life again. We will not let the fear of the slight possibility of the cancer returning hang over us or over come our thoughts. We realize better now how precious life is and we're determined to enjoy each day more than before. It's a little sad to me that it takes having a child suffer through cancer to really understand that. I'm sure there are many people that already get this but I wasn't one of them. I am now.

We will always remember the love, support, and daily help that Grandma and Grandpa Hallen have given us these past eight months. We've been trying to think of a way or a gift to give them to say thank you for all they've sacrificed for us but there's nothing that we could give that would ever be enough. Their kindness and unselfish service has been a great example of our Savior's love. We thank Heavenly Father every day for them. I hope they will be able to get back to living their life and doing the things that they have looked forward to doing before this came up. One of the greatest blessing in all of this is that some very fortunate grandchildren have learned the importance of family. And we belong to a great one.

There have been many others: family, friends, ward family, doctors & nurses, and even strangers that have reached out to us during this difficult time. It has been very touching to be on the receiving end of so much love and thoughtfulness. So many have prayed for Peter and those prayers have been answered. It has been amazing to feel the power of those prayers. It's what has gotten us through this. So thank you, thank you, thank you. A million times, thank you.

Our knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father has been deepened. His love has cushioned the hard and trying times. I don't know how we would've made it with out feeling his love. It has made all the difference. Prayer really is the answer, especially when you've tried everything else. He can't always take away the pain or suffering but he's able to ease it.

I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and my children have learned through this. Our family is stronger for it. Our faith is strengthen because of it.

There's a silver lining

How beautiful is this? Well, the camera wasn't able to capture the true beauty of this sunrise. {Notice how I blame the camera. Couldn't be the one working the camera that's the problem.} But it was an exceptional sunrise the other morning so I had to take it's picture.

Just a quick update on Peter. He has just one last round of chemo to go. Last week because of his low white count it was postponed. All I want is to get this over with. So when Wednesday rolled around again and his lab work came back good we were looking forward to this all coming to an end very soon.

Then there was a change in events. We checked in Wednesday night so he could be hydrated for the chemo to start in the morning on Thursday. Then two hours later at midnight, during normal vitals check, the nurse was alarmed when the thermometer read 102 degrees. He has a temperature!The lights went on. The crew came in. It's a serious thing to have a temperature on the oncology ward I found out. The blood work was sent to the lab and antibiotics were given. The waiting game is not a fun game to play, especially with a two year old in a hospital room.

By Friday, Peter was back to normal. The first of the blood cultures came back negative. And the doctor sent us home in the evening.

Then two hours later. The doctor called and told us that we had to bring him back immediately. "His blood is infected" {I snuck in a shower first} But he looked totally fine.

Peter has been very fortunate not to have an infection this whole time through chemo. It's common with chemo patients having Central lines.

I keep thinking how blessed we were that Peter was in the hospital when he got the temp and they were able to start antibiotics right away. What a blessing. This kind of infection can be very serious. Heavenly Father is trying to make this as easy as possible for us. I know that and I am grateful.

And I'm learning that life doesn't go according to my schedule. What's my hurry anyway???

So John's with Peter and I'm home for the afternoon. Oh, to lay in my bed. What a wonderful thing. I didn't, couldn't sleep. But that's okay. I just rested under my feather down comforter. Warm. Listening to the rain and resting. It felt good. Trying not to feel guilty that Peter's at the hospital. The good thing, he's having fun with dad. I'm sure he's getting some daddy juice and watching movies.

We're hoping to be home tomorrow night. I get to be nurse mommy for the week. Yet another skill I get to learn. How to administer antibiotics in his Central line.

I should have been a nurse.

Last time

I just have to show off Peter's beautiful head of new hair. It came in a lot lighter and to our surprise, thick. Sometimes after chemo the hair goes back in thin at first.

And the other surprise it didn't fall out this time. Tender mercies...

We're off to the hospital tonight to start the last round of chemo. Not looking forward to the next two days, but I know he'll get through it, thanks to lots of prayers.

Thankful for prayers.

The light at the end of the tunnel is in view.

Looking ahead

We've been enjoying having Peter more like himself. Happy. The holidays were wonderful. Christmas was amazing. We were receivers this year of many thoughtful generous family,friends, and strangers. Thank you to all the angels that helped make it a memorable one. We felt so loved and thought of, which does something to our souls that is hard to explain. The kindness and compassion of these angels some how helps us feel the love our Heavenly Father has for us. Knowing and feeling this love gives us comfort, encouragement, and peace. All the things needed to help us deal with the challenges facing us.

When the doctor called last Monday to inform us about the recommendation of the expert on hepatoblastoma I was not surprise to hear what it was. More chemotherapy. Just to be sure. We want to be sure that we've done everything to get rid of this cancer, so we're willing to do the recommended two more rounds. Six more weeks. Peter will loose his hair again and for a couple of months he'll loose his laugh, his energy, and feeling good. The dread sit in. It's not fun to feel dreadful. Not a good way to start the new year. So I distracted myself with being with family and more celebrating of the New Year.

The last thing we did before we left for the hospital on New Year's day night was having the missionaries over for dinner. We made them breakfast. We enjoyed having them over and getting to know them. We've missed having the missionaries since August. What a wonderful spirit they brought into our home. After dinner they gave us a lesson on hope. Not a coincidence. Yet another example of the love Heavenly Father has for us, knowing I needed something extra. I think hope is the direct opposite of dread.

Off to the hospital hopeful; where we are blessed with kind hearted, skilled nurses and doctors.

Peter didn't fight this time. Maybe that's why the chemo hit him so hard. For 48 hours he was very sick. Then the magical hour came and it was out of his body and a new day. And I know I've described how it is driving home with him from the hospital before. Pure enjoyment. We left at noon. The sun was bright. The sky was blue {yes, even in polluted California} And a big smile on Peter's face. If I could read his thoughts I think he was thinking and noticing the beauty of this world and being alive to enjoy it. He probably thought he was never going to get out of that hospital room, or just grateful to finally be out again. That's what is so amazing about children. They bounce back quickly. And I am in awe of him. I'm just trying to keep up with him and this experience and all the insights that I'm learning because of cancer.

The main insight is that we all have a loving Heavenly Father that cares about us and what we're going through. He wants us to be happy and have joy. He sends others, family, friends, strangers, to help us feel that sometimes when were struggling. I'm looking forward to playing that role better in the future.

A Sweet Prayer for a New Year.

I love it when my family from Arizona comes for a visit. This time it was Duane, Tricia, & their three girls. We went to the San Diego Zoo with them. Very fun. Very busy. Never go between Christmas & New Year's, but it was still a great day.

When we finally made it home we were so tired from all the walking and driving. The dads fell asleep right away but all the children were wide awake because they slept in the car the whole way home. Tricia and I tried to calm them down with a movie and hot chocolate. No, the hot chocolate was for Tricia, to wake her up. I got comfy on the couch. And the next thing I realized, I was alone and still on the couch. The tv was off. The lights, most of them were off. The clock: 2am. I checked the doors and stumbled upstairs to my bed.

The next morning the first person I saw was Audrey, Duane's oldest. By the way, she was always the first one up in the morning. I asked her about the previous night. Apparently, I fell asleep while Tricia was talking to me. Then Tricia went to bed. Then Meagan & Addie went to sleep. That left Sadie 3, Andrew & Annelise 5, & Audrey 8 up watching Horton hears a who.

I love this movie. My favorite quote: "Stop having fun, immediately!"

What happened next? Audrey said that she and Andrew were the last ones to go to bed...at 11:30. She turned off the tv. That's nice. And yes, she was the first one up in the morning. What a cutie. All of Duane's girls are so darling.

Annelise

The Arizona visitors stayed with us through New Year's day. So after a late New Year's Eve celebration I woke up to make those yummy buttermilk waffles. Only the little girls were awake.

How fun to have a breakfast date with my darling nieces. I made them waffles and couldn't resist using the batten burg lace place mats and pink & white gingham napkins. {I adore girls} I asked Annelise to say the prayer. She accepted happily.

Please bless us to go home sleepy(I'm sure she meant safely)...Help us to choose the right...Please help us to love each other...Please bless Peter to get better...

Peter & Sadie & hippo

Update on Peter: We received a call from one of his doctors, telling us that the hepatoblastoma expert recommended two more rounds of chemotherapy. A little disappointed but understanding we agreed to it. We took Peter in on New Years day to start the first round. It hit him hard this time. But after it was out of his system he bounced right back and now he's home. He is amazing.

Precious Christmas Gifts

There was a Christmas surprise waiting for Peter when he got home from the hospital today. Tadpoles. Not just any common tadpoles. This was a well thought out plan with the help of a few kind hearted teachers and schoolmates. It all started with a school assignment for Addie in November. Her class was learning how to write persuasive essays and she had to write one. She choose to persuade us to get a pet. I think we should get a pet frog for Peter. Her reasons were good ones. One touched my heart, especially. A pet frog would make Peter happy then mom could make dinner without him crying... I read this at Addie's teacher parent conference. I didn't realize that before but she's right. Peter crys a lot during dinner prep hours. I guess he's tired, not feeling well, having to share mommy with brother and sisters, and I can't hold him as much. Mrs. Cherry {love that name for a teacher} made an offer. Another teacher had tadpoles in her class for a science project and they needed a home. So with the approval of the students, and a banning on a strict Hallen no indoor pet rule, we accepted the sweet offer. Peter is going to have frogs for Christmas.

Andrew introduced Peter to his new pals. Not too cuddly now but in a few weeks or so it's going to be real fun. Meagan's already named them Alec and Alice. Hmmm. Where did those names come from??? She's so obsessed with Twilight. We're going to have to come up with new names.

Peter loves them. He laughs when they wiggle around and when they kiss the glass. He is very entertained. A big thank you to Mrs. Cherry, Mrs. Taylor, & Mrs. Moffet's class. Soo Sweet. Very much appreciated.

And the other precious Christmas gift was given to us on Tuesday evening. The surgeon told us the results of the pathology from Peter's surgery. The margins are clear. That was the news we were hoping and praying for. This means that there's only a 5% chance of it reoccurring.

The surgery went well. It took about 3 1/2 hours. Peter did amazingly well during it. He lost less blood than they anticipated for this type of surgery. The surgeons had to remove the whole right side of the liver and gull bladder. An amazing fact about the liver. It will grow back in about a week a or two. Incredible. The incision scar is really big. It looks a like a Mercedes Benz emblem. He did very well during the recovery. He finally knew when not to fight. We spent the next four days and nights in the ICU with wonderful nurses and doctors. I have so much respect and love for them. Great people. I will always remember their kindness, love, professionalism, and care. They got us through some difficult nights.

We were told that we could be there for up to two weeks. What a blessing that Peter did so well and we could come home early. We knew Heavenly Father would answer our prayers. We just didn't know it would be this great. John was driving to L.A. every day and then sleeping at home and then going to work for a few hours and then back again. Long hours. The Papa's have been taking care of house and home. I've heard from the older sisters that Andrew was a handful. Grandma & grandpa have earned their wings {again}. We are all exhausted.

And we are so grateful...Welcome Christmas season. The season of miracles.

More experiences to share coming soon.

The Ride of Your Life

I loved what Brother Holman said in his testimony back in August during Sacrament Meeting. Went something like this: "Life is like a ride. I'm just glad to be along for it. The ups and the downs." It stuck with me because at that time I was going through my one year post cancer check and had to be on the special low iodine diet, no dairy of any kind {you know that's not easy for me if you know how I cook} and no thyroid meds to act as my metabolism. And having thoughts, worries about cancer returning. What he said stuck with me because he was {is} battling cancer for the 3rd or 4th time. It gave me courage.

It's just what I needed to hear prior to Peter being diagnosed with cancer. Those words still give me courage.

But this picture explains it all.

1. Hold on tight
2. smile
3. pray

Lots of prayers have been said for Peter. Thank you a million times. Those prayers have been answered. Peter had his surgery. He's doing better than I expected. We don't know the results yet but he's doing amazing. The surgeons are optimistic. Mother and dad are encouraged. Peter is resting. I'm home for the afternoon for a nap in my own bed and a shower. More updates on Peter soon.

Calling all Readers...

The Nutcraker Ballet and The Messiah Sing along. A sure tell sign that the holiday season has arrived. Andrew's off to the Nutcraker with the Papa's. Doesn't he look excited? Wish I was going too. But we're off on a different adventure. Peter's surgery. I'm actually grateful that it's happening so close to Christmas because of all the festive spirit during this time of year. Peace. Hope. Love. Miracle celebrated. JOY..

I have our Christmas cards ready. I'm taking them to the hospital so I can address the envolopes. If I don't have your address please leave it on the comments. {Lindsey, Natalie, yes you, and you too...}

We're off...We'll be home for Christmas..)

Results are In

Peter had his long anticipated ct scan yesterday. Remember the last one? That's when we found out what a fighter Peter was. He refused to be sedated for the ct scan...it was a long day. This time was a totally different story. The planets must have been all aligned because it all went like clock work. Amazing when that happens. A big thank you to our nurse, Connie. And of course to our Heavenly Father, who, I'm sure is tired of hearing from me by now.

The tumor has shrunk down to only 4cm. It was around 9 to 11cm when it was detected. Now we can proceed with the surgery. It's scheduled for Dec 5th at the Sunset Kaiser {L.A.} He'll be there for up to two weeks. And then home in time for Christmas. I think we have Christmas decorating to do this weekend.

The surgeon met with us yesterday and is very confident about being able to get all the cancer out. It's going to be a little tricky because the tumor is so high up in the liver, close to the heart and one of the main veins that run thru the liver. But I trust him. I have a good feeling about him. I was a little frightened to hear some of the details of the surgery. He will have to take two parts of the liver (there are four parts) so that sounds like a lot. The good thing about the liver is that it regenerates. It will be back to normal size in a week. Isn't that something!

Now the great news: This all means that there is no more chemo. Picture me jumping like I just won the showcase on the Price is Right. What a relief. In fact the doctor gave the clear to take him out again. So guess what we are going to do??? On Thanksgiving Day we are going to celebrate by going to the Wild Animal Park in San Diego. He loves animals. What a great day that is going to be. He's only been on drives, walks around the block, the Papa's home, hospital, and clinic. Good days to come.

Our prayers have been answered. We couldn't ask for more. I know there's still a long road ahead for Peter but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There have been some dark days these past 4 months but the whole time I felt comforted and at peace that all would work out. We have so much love, gratitude, and appreication for our family, friends, prayers, strangers, medical staff, and Heavenly Father. I've learned some mighty lessons that I hope to write about so that I'll always remember. Life is so different now. And that's a good thing.

Abundance of Blessings

I love Autumn time. Despite the heat wave {90 degrees} and all the fires raging 3o miles or so away from us, I feel very blessed.

We took Peter to another doctor's visit yesterday. He was scheduled to get an outpatient chemo dose today. But after the exam, the doctor said that there's no more chemo for Peter. Just to be safe, he cancelled the last two doses because of some of the side effects. The next step is the ct scan which should be done in the next week or so. I'm hoping for it to be completed before Thanksgiving. But I'll be patient. One of the things I'm learning about with this trial. Patience. I have so far to go...

The ct scan will give the doctors a look at the tumor. Most likely Peter will have surgery at the beginning of December. Unless the tumor is still too close to the main vein in the liver then he'll need more chemo. Then there's a slight chance that if the tumor is all gone then there's no need for surgery. Wouldn't that be great. Am I being too greedy to ask for such a miracle???

We have already been so blessed. What a wonderful time we are going to have at Thanksgiving Dinner when we go around the table and declare what we are thankful for this year. I know what I am going to say... Grateful for trials and challenges that increase our love for each other and our God. Grateful for Peter to be with us. Thankful for family and friends. For countless prayers said on behalf of Peter. And so much more...

Home Sweet Home

Peter's home. It's always a joyous drive home from the hospital with Peter. He gets so excited in the car. He notices everything out his window and says, "wow" the whole way home. The next four hours are like Christmas morning. He rediscovers his old toys, brother, sisters, and the pantry. I'm learning not to take home for granted.

Peter's AFP [I talked about this test in a previous posting] was down again. It's only 22 now. Still on the down slope which is good news. Now we are looking forward to the ct scan in a few weeks. Our prayers and hope is that the findings will show that the tumor is very small {or gone}.

Here We Go Again

We're off to the hospital to start the last round of chemo. Hooray! We're hoping it's the last time. He has been a happy boy these past two weeks. Almost back to the happy and fun little boy he was before, except for the central line coming out of chest. He calls the central line his babies. He hasn't had his out patient chemo these past two weeks because of some of the side effects. Droopy eyes, numbing sensations in his fingers and feet. It should all get back to normal when this is over. Peter is a brave warrior.

I've packed all his favorite toys, books, movies...and left the house in a mess. Sorry kids. You have extra jobs to do this weekend.

Caffeinated

It's 9 o'clock pm but it feels like 10. We're still trying to get use to the time change. Why does that mess me up so much?

So...it's 9 and I find Peter drinking from John's glass. Coke. [Poor John has to be a closet coke drinker in our home because all the kids want it...and I don't approve.] Mean mommy. Peter calls it, "Daddy Juice." And after he drank about a half a cup of it he turned into a robot and repeated...."daddy juice, daddy juice, daddy juice...." for about a minute. Then he was very happy and entertained us until the sugar rush ended and he crashed on John's lap. Okay, I left out the crying details after the sugar high.

Next morning.

It's raining today. Picture a big smile on my face.
Here's my to do list for this special raining day:

1. Stay in p.j.'s all morning.
2. Make scrambled eggs for breakfast.
3. Watch You've Got Mail. {Barney will have to do}
4. Pop popcorn and make hot chocolate.
5. Read a pile of books with the boys.
6. Play games with Andrew.
7. Build a blanket fort. {I should have kept Addie home today}
8. Bake.
9. Take a nap with my feather down comforter.
10. Try not to think about the clean up.

Sweet Surprises

I took Peter to a doctor's appointment today. A routine, once a week visit for blood work and outpatient chemo. He's getting use to these visits. He doesn't fight or cry to get his weight, height, or blood pressure checked anymore. That's a big improvement. Next, he sees the doctor. Our favorite one {they're all wonderful} Dr. Horvath, is a very kind, tender hearted, grandmother. She was out today. She has a clock in her office on a shelf behind her desk. There's a drawer under the face of the clock and it plays music when the drawer is opened. The Doctor has made a little game up with Peter. She's taught Peter about the drawer and leaves a little wrapped chocolate in it for him to find. When ever he goes to an appointment he always walks into her office and pulls out the clock drawer for his little surprise. He loves chocolate. It makes him happy and the rest of the visit goes well and he never complains to "go to see the doctor." So when he went to the clock today I knew he was going to be disappointed. He wasn't. There inside the drawer was his piece of chocolate. What a sweet woman! I'm a grateful mother.

Thanks Addie for the blanket fort!

Top of the Third - Update on Peter

Peter just started the third course of chemo over the weekend. The dreaded 4 day hospital stay. He was in the hospital on his birthday. Not the happiest place on earth. But it's a birthday we'll never forgot and one I'm sure he'll never remember. The nurses made his day when they all came in singing Happy Birthday and give him presents. Even the nutritional service sent up his meals on special happy b-day place mats with extra treats and a small b-day cake. What wonderful caring people doing more than their job requires. Through these small and simple acts of kindness for Peter I feel Heavenly Father's love for him. I'll always be able to tell him how much he is loved and thought of. Then the rest of the family came with more presents. He loved it! It made the day go a lot faster.

Some really good news: There's a blood test that has been a routine test since the diagnosing process with Peter's cancer. It's called the AFP[alpha-fetoprotein] It's a tumor marker test for this kind of cancer. A normal healthy person's level is 10 or under. Peter's AFP was 9,000. We've read about other cases where the levels have been much higher, in the 100,000's or even over 1,000,000's. After Peter's 1st course was completed his afp was down to 350. We just found out about his afp after the second course was finished. It is down to 28. That means the tumor is not growing. It's smaller. Very good news.

The plan is to go through 4 courses of chemo. Maybe by the end of November he'll be finished. Then the ct scan to get a look at his liver and tumor. Then we'll go from there to either more chemo, or surgery, or we're hopeful that maybe there won't be a need for surgery.

I feel a little greedy hoping for such a miracle. We've already been blessed with a huge miracle with the tumor responding to the chemo so well, which we are very grateful for. Where ever this trial leads us to, we know that good will come out of this. Life is full of challenges and obstacles. We all are subject to this. It's to help us grow and learn and gain experience. It's hard sometimes. But I know it could be a lot harder. I hear of other families cancer stories, and health problems and actually feel grateful for what we have been given. I feel like we can handle this.

Every time we have to go back to the hospital for the impatient chemotherapy I just dread it. I get nervous and worry about how I'm going to entertain this little 2 yr old boy. He has to stay in his tiny hospital room for the 4 days because the hospital is not the cleanest place to be. A lot of sickness going on there. His risk of getting sick is really high because his white count is low and his body isn't able to fight even just a normal cold. One of the hardest things is when he asks to go on walks. One night when there's nobody around on the unit the nurses let me walk him back and forth in the hall. It's not much of a walk but he enjoyed it. I had to push his iv poll and try to keep up with him. Not easy. You wouldn't believe the toys, movies, games,....I pack for the 4 days. I even borrow toys from family and friends that will be new to Peter. [How nice that I don't have to worry about the other three children. Doug, Kathy, & John all work together and cover it all. It's amazing.] But each time we go back Peter does better than I anticipated him to do. This time was amazing. He didn't have one tantrum until an hour before he were discharged. He only threw up a couple of times. He didn't yell "no" to the nurses or doctors. He was happy. It's getting easier. What a blessing!

The day Peter gets home from the hospital is a good day. Happiness. Then the next 3 or 4 days are rough from all the side effects of all the chemo. It sets in and he feels awful. He wants and needs to be held constantly. But by the fourth day he feels better and back to himself. And life gets back to normal a little. That's good for all of us.

Enjoy life. Enjoy the moment. Don't anticipate the hard times to come. Learning to be happy in the moment is sometimes a little hard to do. But I'm getting there. Thanks to Peter.